Maybe I'm Still Just Peter

by Maggie Teachout

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credits

released January 11, 2019

© 2018 Maggie Teachout

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all rights reserved

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Track Name: Colorblind
Colorblind

I didn’t mean for this to become what it is or what it will be
One moment I was at your show, the next thing I know we’re in my backseat
We know we should have stopped before too late but you were busy falling for me
And they’ll ask me if I’ve had enough, but I learned from you, so I’ll say “hardly”

And one two three let’s watch as the walls all come crashing down
We’ll be falling, falling, falling but not as fast as we’re falling to the ground

I think I might be colorblind
Cause all these red flags are looking like green lights
I think I might lose my mind
But in the best way, in the nick of time
I’m losing my mind

Everything about you and I is just a classic cliched teenage drama trope
Two damaged artists, one unharnessed, one a John Green manic pixie joke.
Maybe we should have taken just a moment to stop and have a look around
But I was busy losing myself in the rabbithole and you were busy following me down

Chorus

And maybe you’re leaving me on read
But then your fingers brush against my neck
And I say that I’m going to bed
But then your hands are on my ribs again
I can say that I’m at my end
But I wake up with your songs in my head
I know that everything is flashing red
But when you kiss me I see green instead

Chorus
Track Name: Lemonade Day
Lemonade Day

I woke to find something
Creeping up my walls
It sounded like it was giving up

I opened up my window and
Watched it fly away
I saw it being eaten by a little bird

And I run, run, run,
Oh I run, run, run,
Yeah I run, run, run
Far away

It’s a lemonade kind of day
The kind that makes you want to say
Nothing matters anyways
It’s a lemonade kind of day
The kind that makes you want to stay
Inside and outside at the same time

Grab my hand and hold it there
Give me the feeling that you care
I don’t mind being lied to if it’s like this

Your arm is heavy but I like the weight
Of it against my shoulder
It leads me to believe that I am someone

Refrain + Chorus

Refrain x3

Chorus x2
Track Name: Vinegar
Vinegar

The honey on the table is for you
It’s flavored with roses this time
There’s butter and bread there, too
But the water boiling on the stovetop is mine

And if I take one glass what's stopping me from taking two
If you make me lose control again, what will I do?

The world slips down my throat
It's easy, easy, easy
The record that you think you broke
It’s crazy, crazy, crazy
No vinegar will save me,
No vinegar will save me now
No vinegar will save me now

If you look into my smile, do you see
A face as fragile as sugar
Or do you see my tongue all coated in greed
And the ice that runs down my spine like silver?

And if I take one drag what’s stopping me from taking two
If you make me lose control again, what will I do?

Chorus

And trust me, I want to tell you the truth
But I can’t break this lie, this fast, this soon
Your fingers trace my sides and I can’t tell orange from blue
Your fingers trace my stomach and I fall back into you
Track Name: Make A Sound
Make a Sound

She packed a bag
Her car was painted blue
She left around the back
Her friend went with her too

They drove the open road,
Looking for nothing to do
The streetlights all were fireflies
Electric ingenues

And out there, there’s two dresses on the ground
And now there’s only owls to make a sound
Makes a sound

They drove for hours,
Fighting sleep and ambiguity
And every so often, praised the radio over the tv

They stay for weeks at a time
Living from sun to sun
They drink cactus juice and store the rain
And then they’re back on the run

BRIDGE

It was a cold night, a clear night, in July
They saw the world in each other’s eyes
They grasped each other's hands, and dissolved into the sky
They became the trees, the stars, the ground, leaving everything behind

CHORUS
Track Name: Fire At The Hem
Fire at the Hem

Take your socks off
You always liked the chaos
We’re all monsters here
Only you’ve got broken glass bottles in your hair
I think that we both fell
The moment I heard your name
Once upon a time my hand was held
Once upon a time we were okay

Sometimes I fall in love with you
But I know you’re not real
Sometimes I fall in love with you
All over again
Sometimes I catch a glimpse of you
Coming through my window
With the taste of gasoline on your tongue
And fire at the hem

If time was kind to us
Maybe you wouldn’t use it all at once
You took a day trip
And I got the night shift
I stumbled, so you decided
I didn’t need the ground
If the door is left open
You’re either in or you’re out

Chorus

Don’t bury me underground, don’t bury me at all
Burn me all to ashes, and the sea is where I’ll go

Chorus
Track Name: Waitress
Waitress

Black and white water take me away
Feathers made of paper burn in the day
Color-shifting eyelids open and close
Scratched out bits of melodies nobody knows

I could be a waitress
I could be an astronaut
I could be a waitress
I could be an astronaut

I’ll be a waitress in some big city far away
Get myself a black dress and find somewhere to play
All of these dreams and nowhere to go
I’ll make minimum wage, trying to not let my age show

I could be a waitress
I could be an astronaut
I could be a waitress
I could be an astronaut

I don’t know what I want, I know what I’m good at
If I were an astronaut, I wouldn’t have to look at it
If I were on Wall Street, at least I’d be busy
If I were across the sea, would you still come visit me

I could be a waitress
I could be an astronaut
I could be a waitress
I could be an astronaut

I’ll be a waitress
I’ll be a waitress
I’ll be a waitress
I’ll be a waitress
I’ll be a waitress
I’ll be a waitress
I’ll be a waitress
I’ll be a waitress
Track Name: Indie Movie Romance
Indie Movie Romance

I never put too much faith into astrology
But I’m surprised by how similar we both are to our signs
I never put too much faith into anything
But I’m tired of seeing the world through cynical eyes


Late at night we’ll go out walking
Or drive my car with all the windows down
At this point the only thing missing
Is a yellow filter and a mental breakdown

This is an indie movie romance
So I wrote an indie movie song
Life is just one long performance
Art piece nothing can go wrong
This is an indie movie romance
So I wrote an indie movie song
Let’s make a bunch of empty promises
And not focus on what will go wrong

I write songs up in my bedroom
I might as well record on a cassette
You write lyrics in your backyard
As smoke curls from your cigarette

Let’s go camping by the ocean
Our sweaters have holes and our poles are bent
We’ll wake up to the sound of water
And the tide will sweep away our tent

Chorus

And when the bathroom floor is the only place that you can go
You can call me up on an old rotary phone
I’ll hold your hand as we watch the single-firework show
Maybe nobody loves us, but maybe nobody knows

Chorus
Track Name: Waltz For My Daughter
Waltz for my Daughter

Someday
Your face
Will be covered in tear streaks and tan lines
Someday
Your pain
Will be mine

Someday
I’ll wake
And you’ll have run away
And I’ll stay
And I’ll wait
For your letters

Because no daughter of mine
Will ever let anyone say that she’s worthless
And no daughter of mine
Will stay down
Instead of letting you kick my door in
If I were my daughter, what would I say to myself?

I will let you be angry at me
And be angry at you
I will let you run far away
If you phone once a day
I will never let you lose yourself to someone who doesn’t care
I will never stop loving you

Because no daughter of mine
Will ever let anyone say that she’s worthless
And no daughter of mine
Will stay down
Instead of letting you kick my door in
If I were my daughter, what would I say to myself?

Parents’ words

Someday
Your face
Will be covered in tear streaks and tan lines
Someday all of your pain will be mine

Someday
I’ll wake
And you’ll have run away
And I’ll stay
And I’ll wait
For your letters

Because no daughter of mine
Will ever let anyone say that she’s worthless
And no daughter of mine
Will stay down
Instead of letting you kick my door in
If I were my daughter, what would I say to myself?

If I were my daughter, what would I say to myself?
Track Name: Cosmos
Cosmos

I can only assume the stars are growing shy
Every night I’ve been out walking, and they seem to only get dimmer with time
I need to remind them they’re the only thing worth losing sleep by
In the heart of all our twisted galaxies, lay the cosmos’ eyes.

And if you were to hold me tight enough
To compress my density
We could melt together
Into a point of singularity

We are not the center of the universe that we know
But in the moment between your in and exhale, you could have had me fooled.
And if I travelled away from the planet of ours until it was just a dot of pale blue
I’d trace the path of the stars until there was a constellation of a map back to you

And if you were to hold me tight enough
To compress my density
We could melt together
Into a point of singularity

Are you afraid of what we do not know about the stars
Or do your insecurities lay within what we are?
We can only see what fate will let us if the clouds manage to part
So when we’re held up to our universe, we can see we’re no more significant than our wars

But if you hold me tight enough
To compress my density
We could melt together
Into a point of singularity
Track Name: Heart Of The Artist
Heart of the Artist

Every song I write about you is a little bit of a diss track
Little bit of a inside abstract concept, wait for the step back, hit that
Pavements chasing concrete cyclones listening to a deep-sea underneath free speech reach deep into the lip lock facts slap the glass to matte

Every song I write about you
Is a little bit untrue
Every song I write about you I write about me
And I think that makes me easy

I don’t know if I can separate the heart from the artist
Keeping everything clean is always the hardest part
Unlike love this has no hatred, no fear, no sacrifice
But it comes with people, and we couldn’t help ourselves and now I pay the price

Every step in your direction leads to a bit of missed connection
Searching craigslist pages for the main stage attraction for the wait to end
In the hallways in the backyard dragging back one cat and two handfuls of cheap perfume scoured through the earth scars on my feet and hands in the restroom

Every step towards you
Is a trap for me to fall into
Every steps towards you is towards the beast that fuels
The fire that allows me to move

Chorus

Maybe getting angry is easy but I’m not to admit defeat three meters in the air, I’m not going anywhere, rest assured there’s charismatic china plates just waiting to break,
In the corners of the warehouse where I keep my spinning cobweb rocking chair
Take a look in every nook and cranny of my twisted psyche there’s a space in the corner perfect for a deformed former table turner there

Chorus
Track Name: Motherfucker
Motherfucker

Late at night you can find me surrounded by all of my simple ink and pen
Drawings sinking, hiding, screaming, waiting to be opened again
Like wounds that fester, blister, wonder, hope and cry and make me reach my end
Just one more, just one more, just one more, is it done yet, is it done yet

Like the moon, I’m waning, waxing, twisting, in and out of sleep, out of sleep and bed
Like the bruises that remain on my legs and my fingertips for weeks on end
All these images attack my mind, get them out, out of my head
Then I want them back, please take me back, back to that place again

Art is a fickle lover
It makes me wish my happiness away
Art is a motherfucker
It smacks me harder so I beg it to stay
Art is a fickle lover
It’s not my choice to crave this kind of pain
If my skin was paper
You’d be more worried when I buy my x-acto blades

I’ve heard it said that the devil lives in the fiddle, that the devil lives in the free
It slams me up against the wall, hand around my throat, whispers in a sweet melody
“Sorry if this isn’t the narrative that you expect, expected outta me
It’s not my fault that you were made, that you were made to find me so pretty
“And you can leave, try to leave, go and leave, but you know you’ll always be back
Cause no one loves you like I love you, without me no one loves you at all that’s just a fact

I make the best parts of you, alone what in the world would you have?
You know that without me your personality would just slip through the cracks.”

Chorus

And it hits me all at once sometimes
And addiction that I try to fight
It’s not fair; I’m not the violent kind
But my skin begs to differ when you hold it to the light


Art is a fickle lover
It makes me wish my happiness away
Art is a motherfucker
It smacks me harder so I beg it to stay

Art is a fickle lover
Don’t ask me why I feel this way
Art is a motherfucker
It forgives my sins only after I’ve pleaded for pain

Art is a fickle lover
Art is a mothefucker
Art is my best abuser
Art throws my ugly on a page

Art is a fickle lover
Track Name: Still Standing
Still Standing

The devil doesn’t live in the wasteland
The devil lives in the mirror
She lives in the curve of my shoulder
In the hollow of my collarbone, right next to my ear
The devil doesn’t live in the wasteland
The devil lives right here
In the space between my shoulder blades
She fills me with irrational fear

I want to see the sun through my fingers
When I press them together, I want to see the light
I don’t want to leave a shadow
When I’m standing, I’d rather take flight

She comes sometimes without a warning
Sometimes she leaves a lasting mark
She stays in my stomach and throws my voice away
If you can see my rib cage you can see my heart
She comes sometimes without a warning
Sometimes she leaves a calling card
Do you want to twist my words again
Do you want to mutilate my art

Chorus

If you’re really my best friend
Like you say you are
Why is it when you come around
Everything gets harder
If you’re really my lover
As you say you are
Why is it that I never feel beautiful
When I’m in your arms

Chorus
Track Name: Odysseus
Odysseus

The rain sounds like silver
It’ll carry me down to the river
When you’re next to me, I feel you shiver
In my bloodstream runs all my willpower

I know it took a while for me to notice but
Now I’m waiting for you to show us all
You have the drive, the passion and the focus
It’s ironic, don’t you think, that you’re my Odysseus

Do you like having a secret?
How long do you want to keep it?
Is there something I should be seeing?
When I look at your face, I can’t read it

For some time now it’s felt like I’ve just floated
Like I’m twisted up inside someone’s hypnosis
But your words run through my head like locomotives
It’s ironic, don’t you think, that you’re my Odysseus

Do you feel, often, like everything’s hopeless?
Like you’re all alone with nobody that you can trust
If nothing else, at least I want you to know this
I’m happy that you’re my Odysseus

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